Neptune & Friends: Skits
by IcebatofValikinRRBZ8
Summary: A series of one-shots from comedy vids from YouTube. Rated M for language.
1. Chapter 1

**Neptunia And Friends Skits!**

***Parody story based of comedy vids from YouTube***

**EP 1: Homosexual Ghost**

* * *

It is 3 in the morning. Neptune is fast asleep. A ghost starts moaning.

"I want to lick your pussy." Said the ghost. Neptune wakes up startled.

"What the nep!?" Neptune gets out of bed and turns on the lights. "Who's there!? Show yourself!" Neptune called out to the ghost.

"I have been dead for centuries..and I have a cock!" Said the female ghost.

"NEPU!?" Neptune jumps back into bed.

"I want to stick my wiener in your butt." Said the ghost.

"AHHHH!" Neptune sits from the bed. "Show yourself!"

The ghost appears...and it's Blanc in a white blanket covering her. "Scooby doo doo boo~" Blanc chuckled.

"NOIRE! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!" Neptune shouted at the Lastation CPU. Noire sits up.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT!?' She roared.

"There's a ghost in here! Look!" Neptune at the ghost Blanc, but Noire couldn't see her.

"The only thing I see, is a dumb CPU on a bed!" Noire replied.

"No really look!" Neptune pointed again at the ghost.

"If you wake me up again, for some BULLSHIT GAY GHOST! I'm gonna spit in my hands and toss it in your face." Noire glared and then lies back down and goes back to sleep.

"You don't see her!? But she's right there! Noire, She's gonna- STOP IT! STOP DOING PUSH UPS!" Neptune yelled at Mei, who doing push ups near her bed.

"NO!" Mei shouted back and kept doing her push ups.

"Please. What do you want?" Neptune asked the ghost, a bit scared.

"I want some cookies and pudding!" Blanc said.

"You can take my cookies! But you won't take my pudding!" Neptune cried out.

"Look. I don't think you understand. I have been dead for centuries so how do you think I feel? Each new semester, new college kids come in and I take advantage of them. Are you ready for my spooky cock?" Blanc smiled creepily and walked closer to Neptune.

"NO!" Neptune shouted.

"Prepare yourself for centuries of penetration." Blanc smirked.

"NO NOIRE NOIRE!" Neptune shouted at her friend.

"I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GONNA KICK THE NOSE OFF YOUR FACE!" Noire growled.

"For real, Noire! The ghost is right here! She wants to show me her spooky dong."

"Ok. No more pudding before bed!"

"It's not the pudding darn it! The ghost is gonna take advantage of me!"

"Well don't worry, I'm gonna kill you before that happens if you DON'T SHUT THE HELL UP!"

"You suck at being a roommate!"

Noire sighs. "Look. I don't see crap! You must be having some retarded ass nightmare. So go back to sleep, tell yourself you're dreaming and uh...if you wake me up again? YOU'RE GONNA DIE!" Noire said and went back to sleep.

"Noire but..." Neptune closes her eyes. "There's no futa ghost. She doesn't want cookies or pudding. I'm just having a nightmare." Neptune said to herself and opens her eyes again...and the ghost was gone. "Wow. I guess Noire was right." Neptune said and heads to turn off the lights. Neptune started to hum on her away back to her bed. She gets comfy and starts sleeping. Just then, Blanc the ghost appears on the bed.

"It's raping time~" Blanc smiled sinisterly.

"NO! NOOOOOOOOOO!" Neptune cried out. "No! Don't stick that there...no! Huh? Wait a minute...this isn't all that bad...I don't feel anything, I don't feel anything at all...I think I might play a game...yeah~"


	2. Chapter 2

**Neptunia And Friends Skits!**

***Parody story based of comedy vids from YouTube***

**EP 2: ****The Pudding Mishap!**

* * *

Blanc, Fu and Momo head back to the apartment, they open the door and turn the lights on. Neptune is sitting with a angry look on her face and three empty pudding cups on the table.

"Neptune?" Momo asked.

"Who ate my pudding?" Neptune asked.

"What's up?" Momo waved.

"WHO ATE MY PUDDING!?" Neptune shouts.

"Damn, Goddess must love her pudding." Fu chuckled.

"You're darn right I love my pudding!" Neptune shouts again.

"Hold up? What are you talking about? What pudding?" Momo asked.

"STOP DOING PUSH UPS MAN!" Neptune shouts at the person to her left.

"NO!" Shouts Mei, who was doing push ups on the floor.

"The pudding I brought into the room. The pudding I was gonna eat!"

"Well why you saying somebody ate them?" Momo asked the Goddess.

"Because there all spread out everywhere! There was one in the Microwave. One in the shower. And somebody had the audacity to put Eggplant in the pudding!" Neptune yelled and has a flashback. She opens up a pudding cup and it has eggplant in it. "WHAT THE FU-"

"What kind of sick person would do something like that!?" Neptune cried.

"Some pudding loving Goddess." Fu chuckled some more.

"Excuse me?" Neptune looked at Fu.

"Hey, Neptune. Relax. It's no big deal. We can just go buy you some more." Blanc said.

"It is a big deal! It takes me about an hour to get all my pudding cups! They're spread out everywhere and so pudding hour!"

"What the fuck is pudding hour?" Fu asked.

"It's the time where I eat my pudding!" Neptune replied. "Now which one of you was it!? Was it you loser!?"

"Did this Goddess just call me a loser?" Fu asked.

"What about you whitey tighties?" Neptune points at Momo.

"What did you call me!?" Momo growled.

"What about you Root Beer?" Neptune points at Blanc.

"That doesn't even make any sense." Blanc said.

"Well it had to be one of you! Who ate my pudding?"

The door opens up and it's Noire. "Hey, we got a dragon to slay, come on, let's go." She said.

"Nah. Not right now." Fu said.

"Somebody ate Neptune's pudding and she ain't too happy about it." Momo said to Noire. Noire sighs.

"No one ate your pudding. You got drunk at a party and started playing pudding puppets." Noire told Neptune who has a flashback of what happened.

"So how does it feel to be a Goddess's favorite food?" The pudding cup asked the other pudding cup, with Neptune voicing them.

"SHUT UP!" Said the other pudding cup. Neptune then started pudding on her face.

"I got pudding makeup~ I got pudding makeup on my face! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Neptune then fell down.

"Oh my gosh. I can't live with myself like this! I need to go!" Neptune started to head for the door, she screams as she sees Fu, then Momo, then Blanc, then Noire. She then runs away screaming.


	3. Chapter 3

**Neptunia And Friends Skits!**

***Parody story based of comedy vids from YouTube***

**EP 3: ****The Pudding Cops**

* * *

At Linda's house.

Linda is sitting on the couch, petting a cat. "Pretty old shitty kitty. Yes. You're my favorite cat. I'm gonna make out with you." Linda said and went to give kisses to the cat, but her door gets knocked down.

"Police! Remain where you are! We are armed and cops!" Neptune shouted.

"Your days of selling those pudding cups are over pal!" Noire shouted. The two went into the living room.

"Ah. Girls, what can I do for you?" Linda smirked.

"Don't play dumb with us, Linda! We know you get large shipments of pudding in here." Noire said and aimed her shot gun at the Underling.

"I don't know what you're-"

"Shut up you pudding butthole!" Neptune said.

"Let's just relax a second, would you like to enjoy some lotion?" Linda said and shows the bottle of lotion on the coffee table. Noire and Neptune look at one another.

"Shut up Linda! Now where are those puddings!" Noire said. Neptune went to the lotion and starts to put lotion on her hands. "Neptune? What the heck are you doing?"

"My hands are crusty!" She said.

"Yeah! Her hands are crusty." Linda said.

"Shut up Linda!"

"My hands are lubricated. Now it's time to get down to Pudding business!" Neptune said and aimed her hand gun at Linda. "Now answer Noire! Where are you stashing the puddings?"

"What Puddings?"

"Quit playing monkey games!" Neptune shouted. Noire sees a door that is slightly open in the living room.

"Hey Neptune? What do you think's behind here?" Noire said and looks at the door behind her.

"I don't know. What is behind her, Linda?" Neptune asked.

"I don't know! I don't know..."

"Check it out Noire."

"What are you so afraid of? Got something to hide." Noire opens the door and gasps once she sees what's inside. "Holy Dogoos."

"What do we got over there, Noire?" Neptune asked and joined her. She gasps too. They found the pudding stash.

"I think we just hit the mother load." Noire said. "Chocolate chip!"

"Butterscotch!" Neptune cried.

"Oreos!"

"M&M's!"

"Double Chocolate chip!"

"Snicker doodle!"

"Vanilla Waffers!"

"Alphabet!"

"Old Fashion Molasses!

"Birthday Cake Pudding!" Neptune's fake mustache falls off. Neptune and Noire turn around and aim their guns at Linda.

"Hands off Linda! You just earned a free butt fucking pass to prison!" Noire shouted.

"Noire? I think we need back up!"

"I do not own them puddings!" Linda cried.

"Cuff her, Neptune."

"Roger that!" Neptune salutes and gets the hand cuffs, Linda runs away.

"Oh! She's fleeing the scene!" Noire cried.

"Let's go kill her since we're cops!" Neptune said and the two cops follow Linda into the kitchen. She was with her kitty, on the floor.

"You can take me... but don't take my pretty kitty." Linda said and had tears in her eyes.

"Go get the cat." Noire looked at Neptune. Neptune nods and grabs the kitty and puts it away.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Linda cries.

"Any last words, Linda?" Neptune asked.

"You know how many people you'd be depriving of their precious pudding!? Think about it! If you kill me, the Pudding God! Where are the people gonna get pudding from? They'll be stealing from people and finding puddings and making their own puddings! Then you'll have to kill them and kill everybody and there'll be mass pudding genocide! And then you'll be the bad guys...yeah you fucks." Linda rambled on and on.

"I get the head, you get her chest." Neptune said.

"Roger that." Noire said and the two shoot Linda dead. "Goodbye! Fuck nut!"

"So, you want to crack some root beers and watch Hyerdimension Neptunia?" Neptune asked.

"Fuck yeah Neptune!" Noire cheered.


	4. Chapter 4

**Neptunia And Friends Skits!**

***Parody story based of comedy vids from YouTube***

**EP 4: ****Insane Twins!**

* * *

Neptune is lying in bed, bored out of her mind. Noire was with her and they finished game night with the others.

"Noire... I'm hungry." Said Neptune.

"I don't care." Noire replies and was on her phone.

"Noire... I'm horny." Neptune said.

"I'm going to light your face on fire!" Noire growled.

"I'm a horny Dogoo! I'm a horny Dogoo!" Neptune started squirming.

"Stop it!"

Neptune stops and her phone goes off. She gasps and looks at her phone. "It's that time again!"

"What are blabbering about?" Noire looks at Neptune.

"It's something completely awesome, but I can't tell you yet~" Neptune chuckles.

"Look, the last time we did something like this, you ended up paying a blacksmith that fixed your sword with pudding." Noire stated.

Flashback-

"Thanks for fixing up my sword! The money is over on the counter!"

The blacksmith sees pudding. "I can't take this."

"What? What did you say?"

"I can't take this." The blacksmith repeated.

"What!? My pudding not good enough for you!? Get out! You are no longer my personal blacksmith! You're fired!" Neptune pushes the woman out of her home.

END

"That was an awful experience. But I promise, it's nothing like that."

'Well. I got nothing better to do." Noire said.

"All right!" Neptune cheered and the two Goddesses enter a car. "Are you ready to go on an exciting adventure?"

"Just try not to kill us, wherever we're going." Noire said and buckled up.

"Just you wait, this is going to be awesome." Neptune starts driving.

12 hours later.

Noire is asleep.

"Noire, we're here." Neptune looked at her. She shakes her awake. "Noire! Wake up!"

"My socks are soggy!" Noire cried out.

"It's ok, we're here." Neptune smiled. Noire looks out the window.

"How long have we been driving for?" She asked.

"Twelve hours." Neptune answered.

"What!? Where the hell are we!?" Noire shouted.

"Kentucky."

"Why the fuck are we in Kentucky!?"

"Because, that's where the alternate versions of us are at." Neptune smiled. Noire touches herself.

"Please tell me I'm still dreaming."

"For real! Every year in this exact location, our other selves gives us something to tell us about the future." Neptune explained. Across from the car, Noire and Neptune appeared, wearing robes. Neptune sees them and gasped. "There they are!"

"What in the hell?" Noire squints her eyes and sees them.

"Let's go meet them!" Neptune said and gets out of the car with Noire and they walked to their other versions. The others start making random clicks and sounds. The two CPUs come face to face with them.

"Why are they talking like that?" Noire asked.

The other Noire started to screech.

"Because Noire, They're from the alternate world, that's how they talk. Guys, what can you tell us about the future?"

"Ha Seeky Ha." The other Neptune said and gives Neptune a sandwich.

"What the hell is that?" Noire asked.

"A Pudding Sandwich." Neptune replied.

"What?"

"The future is... a pudding sandwich."

"You're an idiot."

"Noire! This is the meaning of life!" Neptune shouted with glee.

"The meaning of life is not A FUCKING PUDDING SANDWICH!"

"Then what do you think it means?"

"Nothing! This day absolutely makes no sense! It feels like I'm fucking a Tim Burton movie!" Noire shouted and the other versions started laughing. They poofed away. And then they appeared in the car, still laughing and poofed away. "Did they just steal the car?"

"Those sneaky losers!" Neptune said and sighed. "Oh well...pudding sandwich?" Neptune offers the sandwich to the Lastation CPU. Noire smacks it away.

"Get the hell out of my face." Noire said and walked away


	5. Chapter 5

**Neptunia And Friends Skits!**

***Parody story based of comedy vids from YouTube***

**EP 5: ****A Goddess/Agent Christmas!**

* * *

It was Christmas morning. Neptune gets out of her bed. "It's Christmas! Yay!" She went to Noire and shakes her. "Noire! It's Christmas!"

"It is seven in the morning. SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Noire roared, still under the covers.

"That's not the Christmas spirit, Noire. Wake up sleepy head." Neptune pulls the covers off of her. She went to another room and pounds on the door. "WAKE UP!" She shouts.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Blanc shouted.

"WAKE UP SLEEPY HEADS!" Neptune shouted and heads for the living room. Noire, Blanc, Fu and Momo wake up and walk to the living room.

"Well Neptune was right." Fu said.

"Santa Clause came!" Neptune cheered and claps.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!?' Noire shouted in anger. After calming Noire down, the four head to the living room to sit down near the tree.

"I think there a present here for everybody." Neptune said and grabs Noire's present and it was huge. "Here Noire. This one has your name on it." She gives it to her. Noire just stares at it. "OPEN IT OPEN IT!"

Noire goes on a rampage opening her gift. She uses her mouth and rips off the paper. She sees a blow up doll. "DEAR GOD!" She cried out.

"Hey girl, that looks like your mom." Momo said to Blanc and giggled. Blanc growled and chokes Momo. Noire opens up the rest of her gift.

"Excuse me ladies. I have to use the bathroom." Noire said and takes the doll with her.

"WHOO HOOO!" Neptune started clapping.

"Hey don't be busting that shit like a balloon. You'll pop its ass." Said Fu.

"I'm gonna take real good care of him, Fu." Noire said and leaves. Neptune heads for Fu's gift and hands it to her.

"This one is yours...agent." Neptune winked.

"What the hell is this?" Fu asked not amused by the packaging of the gift.

"It's your Christmas present." Neptune told her.

"No. This is some bullshit. This is some mermaid kitty cat on this bitch." Fu complained.

"Well open it up and see what you got." Neptune said. Fu sighs and opens the gift: A Waffle Maker.

"It's a waffle maker." Fu said.

"YAY!" Neptune claps.

"I hate waffles." Fu said and had an annoyed look on her face.

"But you're in Tsukikage." Neptune said to her.

"Excuse me bitch? Just because I'm in Tsukikage doesn't mean I like waffles." Fu groaned.

"Well I'm a Goddess and I like waffles so just give it to me." Neptune said and reaches for the waffle maker.

"Paws off Neptune." Fu growled. Neptune hisses at her. Fu was confused by this. Neptune gives Blanc her gift. Blanc opens it. It was a toy Dogoo.

"Uhmm?" Blanc looks at it as she held it in her hand.

"It's a Dogoo." Neptune smiled.

"These are some bullshit gifts." Blanc said.

"Stop being a sour puss and shove it down your panties." Neptune said.

"WHAT!?" Blanc growled.

"Just keep him on your lap and let me see who else is left." Neptune said and looks around and finds another one for Blanc. She hands it to the Lowee CPU. Blanc opens it and gasps. It was a bra.

"What the?" Blanc looks at her gift and it was a bra. "It's the wrong size."

"What the hell did you just say?" Fu said. Neptune clears her throat and gives Momo her gift. Momo opens it and it was crab seasoning.

"It's crab seasoning." The redhead said.

"Yeah bitch." Noire said, still in the bathroom with the doll.

Neptune finds another gift for Fu.

"You got another one." Neptune said. Fu opens it up.

"Silly string?"

"Silly String!? What a worthless gift! Why don't you just-" Neptune was cut off by Fu spraying Neptune with the silly string.

"That's enough. Let Neptune open up her gifts." Blanc said and slaps the silly string out of Fu's hands. She helps Neptune get the silly string off of her. Neptune goes her gift and opens it up.

"Oh look. An actuall gift." Neptune chuckled and opens it up. She gasps once she opens it. "EGGPLANTS!?" She cried. Momo scoots away a bit. "What the heck Santa Clause!?"

"Hey chill Neptune. We all got crappy gifts." Blanc said.

"No you girls got gifts! I got a year's worth of Eggplants! Meanwhile Noire banging the heck out of some balloon chick!" Neptune groaned.

"Christmas is ruined." Fu sighed.

"What kind of Santa gives Eggplants and Crab Seasoning?" Momo asked.

"And I got a dogoo and and a bra." Blanc throws her gifts behind her.

"OH WELL." Everyone said.

"Worst Christmas Ever." Momo was sad.


	6. Chapter 6

**Neptunia And Friends Skits!**

***Parody story based of comedy vids from YouTube***

**EP 6: Driving Drunken Goddess!**

* * *

Neptune opens up the door, "Come on, watch your step." Neptune said to Noire, who got drunk at the party Neptune threw.

"Take me back!" Noire said.

"Watch your step." Neptune repeated.

"The party is not over yet." Noire said.

"Yes it is, you're way to drunk I'm taking you home." Neptune told her.

"Did you see the Dogoo?"

"There was no Dogoo. Besides, I would've killed it." Neptune replied.

"I have to go pet the Dogoo."

"There was no Dogoo."

"I have to go back!" Noire turns around and goes for the door, but Neptune grabs her.

"NO! THERE WAS NO DOGOO AT THE PARTY!" Neptune groaned.

"Ahhhhhhhhsssss~...and I curse your share energy to fly like a butterfly!" Noire said and Neptune takes her to the car. Neptune opens the door but Noire was being difficult to get into the car. "Elmo the Muppet!"

"What are you saying?" She asked.

"Get away from me!" Noire shouted.

"Get the nep...in the car!" Neptune pushes Noire into the back seat.

"Into the shadow!" Noire yelled out and Neptune closes the door and gets into the driver's seat. "Let me out!"

**15 seconds later.**

"Do you know where the muffin man lives?" Noire asked Neptune.

"I don't know."

"Can you tell me where the muffle man lives?"

"I don't know!"

"You better tell me where he is Neptune, or HE MIGHT DIE!" Noire cried.

"Just sit back in your seat and be quiet." Neptune groaned.

"Do you know the muffin man the muffin the muffin man! Do you know the muffin man who lives on-" Noire began singing.

"SHUT UP!" Neptune yelled.

"Good shit."

"Drury Lane! The Muffin man lives on darn Drury Lane! Gosh..." Neptune rolled her eyes and kept her eyes on the road. Noire starts to bark like a dog.

"Oh great, now you're barking." Neptune sighed. Noire barks more. "Is that necessary? Is that really necessary!?" Noire keeps going. "We are Goddesses and we don't not bark like dogs!" Noire whined.

**30 seconds later**

"I just want to go back and pet my Dogoo!" Noire cried.

"We've been through this already." Neptune sighed again.

"Are you going to deprive me of my Dogoo?" Noire asked.

"There was no Dogoo!" Neptune responded.

Noire starts crying. "Just take me back! I just want to pet my beautiful Dogoo."

"It was a pillow! It was darn pillow!"

"What!?"

"You embarrassed me and the others. You on the couch all by yourself, and everyone was looking at you. You were barking and petting a darn pillow." Neptune stated.

"You are the devil and I resent your very soul..." Noire whispered.

"Well...behave."

"Behave? What am I a two year old?"

"Well once you drink and do whatever else you do... yeah."

**15 Seconds Later**

Noire is upside down. "I am... upside down man!" Noire said.

"WHAT THE NEP ARE YOU DOING!?" Neptune shouted as she saw Noire was upside down.

"I am! Upside-"

"Now you're get me arrested for driving a drunken Goddess! Now sit up!"

"You are a party pooper!"

"Come on, just sit up!"

Noire flips herself over and is now sitting normally in the back seat. "Fine..."

**GOT TO HAVE A HAPPY ENDING~**

"Looks like someone forgot their panties!" Noire said and showed a girl's underwear from the party to Neptune.

"WHAT THE NEP!?" Neptune shouted and the panties get thrown onto her face. "WAAAAAAAA!" Neptune crashes the car.

"Ne...Neptune? Uh oh. She's bleeding from her ears...oh well. DO YOU KNOW THE MUFFIN MAN THE MUFFIN MAN-"


	7. Chapter 7

**Neptunia And Friends Skits!**

***Parody story based of comedy vids from YouTube***

**EP 7: Couch Potato**

* * *

Neptune enters the living room and sees the tv is still on. "Noire?" Neptune sees her and she's a potato. "NEPU!? NOIRE'S A POTATO!"

"I hate my life." Noire said.

"I told you watching too much TV would turn you into a couch potato! Do you want me to help you or not?" Neptune grabs Potato Noire.

"What the hell can you do? I'm a fucking potato." Noire groaned.

"Shut up! I know your nothing but a stupid potato! At least you're not an eggplant." Neptune said and looks to her right to see a random girl with a stick of butter in her mouth.

"I like butter..."

"Listen? Would you ever make a game about a potato?"

"What?"

"Would you'd ever make a potato game, and play the shit out of it?"

"Why the heck would I do that?"

"Exactly."

"Just keep cool. I got an idea." Neptune goes to her room and places potato Noire on the desk.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm gonna ask the almighty MAGES. in my closet for help." Neptune opens her closet.

"Bow down bitch." MAGES. said. Neptune gets on her knees.

"Almighty wizard! My friend has turned into a potato what should I do?" Neptune asked.

"You stupid Goddess."

"That I am."

"Uhh? I'm waiting." Noire said.

"Shut up!" Neptune yelled. Noire then laughs.

"You ain't kidding, she is a damn potato." MAGES. said.

"I told you!"

"I think I can help you purple goddess."

"Then what do you suggest?"

"You got to take that potato, put in a toilet and piss on it."

"Ummm excuse me?" Noire asked, not liking the idea of being peed on.

"Along with that, you got to shout three majestic words."

"No one is peeing on me." Noire said.

"Shut up! If we have to do it we have to do it!" Neptune stated.

"Fuck my life."

"What are these three words."

"Come closer, Speak em out loud may cause some chaos." MAGES. replied and whispers the words into Neptune's ear.

Neptune puts Noire in the toilet and proceeds to pee on her. Ahem! Water. Just water. Neptune shouts the three words and the ground shakes violently for about three seconds.

"Welp. Nothing's changed. I'm still a potato, soaked in pee pee."

"Crap!" Neptune takes Noire back to MAGES. "The ritual was a fail."

"Shit. Must've confused that with pudding hookers." MAGES. responded.

"Well is there another way?"

"There is one way. But it's the most painful way."

"What does it have to do then?"

"You gotta take that potato, take a knife, slowly cut it open, from there releases your friend's spirit, returning to human form." She told Neptune.

"Thanks so much!" Neptune cheered and went to the kitchen and forgot to close the closer door.

"HEY CLOSE THE DOOR ASSHOLE!" MAGES yelled.

"Are you ready?" Neptune asked.

"Don't do it Neptune! Don't do it!" Noire yelled.

"Just pretend it's a shark tickling your tummy!"

"How's that suppose to make any sense!?

"1 2 3!" Neptune counted and started to cut Noire up. Noire started screaming pain as Neptune started giggling. Once Noire was cut in half, she appeared normally on the counter.

"I'm no longer a potato!" Noire said and looks down at the floor. "Neptune!?"

"I'm a freaking banana!" Neptune said and was a banana.

Noire jumps off the counter and onto the floor. "Oh my God..."

"Please help me, Noire. Please help."

"I should've known this was gonna happen." Noire said to herself and had Neptune in her hands.

"Oh God."

"Don't worry, I have an excellent idea on how to save you."

"Thanks Noire! I appreciate it."

"I kinda picked it up when you started cutting me there on the table, I thought it be a great idea to." Noire then launches Banana Neptune at the wall.

"AHHHH!" Neptune screamed and crashed.


	8. Chapter 8

**Neptunia And Friends Skits!**

***Parody story based of comedy vids from YouTube***

**EP 8: The Screamer.**

* * *

Neptune is sitting at Noire's desk and on her computer in the apartment. "Hey Noire, have you heard about the tale of the screamer?"

"Why the fuck are you on my computer?" Noire asked.

"To research the tale of the screamer? Do you want to know what's it about?"

"Well. If it's got to do with me cutting your head off, uh be my guest."

"No you silly bumblebee! It's about a famous character from a painting come to life."

"Alright. Get out of my room before I vomit with disgust!"

"It's true!"

"Yeah and my share energy looks like a sea otter. Get out!"

"You don't believe in anything! You didn't even believe when a ghost took advantage of me last Halloween!"

"Well because it's a ghost fucking your ass! It's Goddamn ridiculous."

Neptune looks at the compute screen. "Just listen. On Halloween night, the screamer can be released from it's own painting made back in the 1800's, to terminate anyone in its path. His deadly scream comes from anyone who has crossed and died at his feet. The screamer can conjure up by simply believing and chanting: Scream Scream Scream I want to hear the Scream. After that spin around and stomp on the floor with determination." Neptune finishes and looks at Neptune with eager eyes.

"So we gonna go to this party and pound some stinky candy? Or we gonna stay here and play, fucking mickey mouse games?'

"Let's try it, let's try it!"

"I swear to God. If you start twirling around."

"Scream Scream Scream I want to hear the scream!" Neptune spun around and stomps on the floor.

"Why...are you breathing?"

The ground starts to shake rapidly. "Since when did we get earthquakes in the north!?"

"It's not a earthquake Noire. It's the screamer!" Neptune cheered and steps outside of the room to see the tall being, wearing a green mask. Who was Vert in a costume. Neptune and the screamer stare at one another. The screamer screeches and walks towards Neptune.

"Oh shoot!" Neptune goes back into the room and shuts the door and locks. "Lock the door! Lock the freaking the door!"

"What the Christmas Christ is going on?"

"Holy Grandma Shit!" Neptune cried and the screamer pounds on the door. "It's him it's him!"

"Are you serious? This thing is real?" Noire asked.

"Yes! Don't let its axe touch you!"

"It has an axe!?"

"Yes it's a small glowing axe that'll turn you into pudding!"

"Turns people into pudding!? Why the flaming ostrich fuck did you conjure him up?"

"Get his autograph?"

"If he doesn't kill you, I'm gonna turn your face into mash potatoes!" The banging on the door stops.

"Wait...it stopped." Neptune opens the door and the two CPU's enter the bathroom where they hear meowing.

"I think there's a kitty in the shower."

"A What?"

"A kitty cat!"

"Something is seriously not right here." Noire said and Neptune opens up the shower curtain. The screamer is there and it screams. Neptune and Noire scream and Neptune tries to open the door that shut on them right when Neptune opened up the shower curtain to reveal the demon.

"The door won't open! Don't let the axe touch you." Neptune said and Noire grabbed the screamer's hands.

"The children!" Noire cried and the screamer pulls her arms away from Noire and hits her with the small axe. Noire screams and poof! She turns into pudding.

"Noire!" Neptune ran to the pudding cup and the demon vanishes. "No Noire! First a potato and now pudding!? Life sucks! You're a beautiful person Noire. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise even if you're a pile of pudding. You'll always be my best friend forever. I'll get that monster! Vengeance upon!" Neptune leaves the bathroom and sees the screamer with a bag of chicken. "PUT DOWN THE TERIYAKI CHICKEN!"

The demon looks at Neptune, with its axe on the counter.

"You have turned my friend into pudding and now you're gonna pay!"

The demon just laughs.

"Lucky for me I got magical Dogoo spray." Neptune takes out a spray bottle.

"HUH!?" The screamer gasped.

"The world's deadliest spray! It has killed hundreds and thousands in Gamindustri."

The screamer just stares at Neptune. She sprays the spray and the screamer cries out and melts.

"Sweet dreams princess." Neptune said and went back to the bathroom. Neptune cries and picks up the pudding and has a spoon. "Noire...You'll always be a part of me buddy." Neptune said and scoops pudding up with her spoon and eats it. "Ohhh...tastes so beautiful."


	9. Chapter 9

**Neptunia And Friends Skits!**

***Parody story based of comedy vids from YouTube***

**EP 9: A Demons Calling**

* * *

Noire and Neptune are in a random house, enjoying themselves in the attic. Neptune was Indiana Jones. She had the whip and hat on. "Look Noire. It's a snake." Neptune starts wiggling the whip.

"There's no time for that. It's time for candy!" Noire said and has a bag full of sweets.

"Time for what?"

"Time for candy!"

"Yay, I love candy." Neptune walks over to Noire to get some candy from her. Noire barks at her.

"Didn't your mom ever tell you to share!?" Neptune pouted and the door opens by itself. Neptune gasps. "What? What's going on?"

Noire drops the bag of candy. "It's paranormal activity!"

"No Noire. Don't say that."

"I'm afraid it is. You stupid CPU."

"We got to get out of here! Stop eating my pudding!" Neptune shouts at K-Sha, who was eating Nep's pudding in the corner. She growls. Noire spots a Dogoo man in a suit and tie.

"Dear God, what the hell is that!?" She cried and points at it.

"Noire? Whose house are we in?"

"I don't know, we just ended up in this attic some how."

"Jiminy Crickets."

The dogoo man who is Vert in disguise barks. Saying: I will steal your souls.

Noire and Neptune start running downstairs. They head for the front door and open it. Neptune gasps as the dogoo in the suit appeared. "Sweet captain christ!"

"What do we do now?"

"To the kitchen!" Neptune said and closes the door on the Dogoo. The two CPU'S head for the kitchen.

"Why are we in the fucking kitchen!?" Noire asked.

"We have to call the police." Neptune said.

"And tell them what? We broke into a house and a Dogoo in a suit is trying to steal our souls!?"

"Crap."

"Look. The refrigerator.." Noire and Neptune look at the Dogoo who was going through the fridge.

"To the basement!" Noire and Neptune head downstairs and found a door. "We out ran him this time." Noire opens the door and the Dogoo was inside it. The two gasp. "You sneaky sneaky Dogoo."

"Back upstairs!" Neptune and Noire head back upstairs and enter a closet. "First we get a ghost, the the screamer and now a Dogoo in a suit who takes souls away!?"

"I rather not be turned into pudding again, so you have any idea how to escape this thing?" Noire remembers her time being turned into pudding...not a great experience. Neptune takes out a hat and puts it on.

"And now I say, up up and away!" She looks up at the ceiling. Noire's eye twitches.

"You are a worthless CPU." Noire face palmed herself.

"God! Stupid hat!" Neptune throws the hat onto the floor. "My mom told me it would take me to never ever land."

"Wait a minute! My skull cane!"

"What about it?"

"I bought it from a gypsy. Now she did say it could bring an evil presence in some people, I thought it was bullshit, then again she is a gypsy. "Let's go get it. To the attic!" Noire leads Neptune back to the attice, the skull cane was on the floor. "There!" The two Goddesses reach for it but the Dogoo appeared. They gasp and the Dogoo takes Noire's soul away. Noire starts to spasm.

"Noire!? What's happening!?

"My soul! It has my soul!" Noire cried.

"Holy pudding cups! What do I do?"

"Get the goddamn cane you idiot!"

"How do I work it?"

"Just touch it!"

The Dogoo eats Noire's soul and her eyes pop out of her skull and she falls down dead.

"NO! YOU SOUL STEALER!" Neptune cried and gets the cane. "Let's try this." Neptune's eyes went black and she started speaking in tongues and in a demonic voice. The Dogoo demon looks at Neptune and started to burn. It cried out in pain as Neptune retrieved Noire's soul. The Dogoo demon poofs to nothingness and Neptune laughs. Neptune closes her eyes and was back to normal. Noire awakes and she takes a deep breath. "Fiddlesticks! That was crazy!"

"My eyes..." Noire said and looks for her eyes.

"Noire! You have your soul back!" Neptune cheered.

"There out of my skull!" Noire cried.

"Ooh! You want to play a game?" Neptune asked and grabs Noire's eyes.

"What!?"

"It's called: Sticking Noire's eyes up my-"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Noire cried.


End file.
